I heard it all from the bathroom."My eyes drifted to the darkened ensuite bathroom, not 10 feet away. She would have had a really good vantage point from there, and her Mom and I were way too distracted to have noticed the little voyeur."Mr. Johnson? I want to do it. With you. My Mom really liked it. Will you fuck me? Huh? Please?"I couldn't say anything. If she heard my voice she might be able to tell I wasn't my Dad. She mistook my silence as hesitation."I won't tell, Mr. Johnson. My Dad, I mean. He'd be really mad about you and my Mom. If you do me I'll keep it a secret."The little bitch! She was willing to blackmail me (well, my Dad) to get what she wanted! Well, fine. Be careful what you wish for, little girl.I sat up and shuffled my butt down the bed, keeping her head between my face and the window so that she couldn't make out my features. I leaned in and kissed her, tentatively at first, then she returned the kisses with fervor, her arms encircling my shoulders. It isn't wrong, what you've been taught, but it wasn't right either. Death solves your problems, but it doesn't solve the problems of the troopers you lead, the people you defend, the High King or Hostigos."Before you decide on an honorable death, contemplate who it will hurt. Contemplate if you could do more alive. Sure, it is honorable to stand alone, to face the enemy's champion. But what if you die? Who will lead your men? Suppose you die and there is a fight anyway? Are your men going to fight carefully or seek to avenge you? Will the man who replaces you in command be as careful of those men as you would have been? Or will he be intent on revenge for the death of a friend? Or might he look at a situation that frightens him and simply turn tail and run?"Death comes to us all. The question is: when and how. True honor is having people say after you're gone, 'He did his duty and more!' It's not people saying, 'He'd died an honorable death and left the rest of us to die with.
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